Honest Prayer

a faith journey and exploration: raw, messy, thankful, and rife with mystery

Intimacy and Relationship with God is not:
deep theological arguments and presentations
evangelism prioritized over all ways of showing up
othering: us versus them
a list of to-dos and checkboxes
in the church building

All I know to do: 
show up in honest prayer. 
pray the words of others.
find other wilderness wanderers.
see, know, and love others.
make my way through.
surrender- my body being broken and poured out.
rest in resurrection.
remember: we, all people, have been exiled.
wandering since the beginning.

Adam and Eve, removed from the Garden 
(shelter from forever being immersed in the surroundings of their biggest mistake)

Joseph buried in a pit, sent to prison, cupbearer to the King
(protection and divine positioning)

The Israelites in the desert 
(manna, led by fire) 

Jesus led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted 
(abides in foundations of faith)

Paul sent to prison
(sustained, protected, preaches) 

Maybe you and me too
(to be determined) 

Faith previously, a list of to-dos:
Morning quiet time 
Serve and lead in church 
Forgive seventy times seven (rarely a teaching what this actually means) 
Join (later lead) a small group (+childcare)
Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, Wednesdays 
Sing, worship, praise 
Prayer breakfasts 

Faith now:
Nothing to be checked. 
Not organized. 
A little A lot messy.
Simple.
Honest.
prayers. 

God, this world is brutal. I am tired. Help me to keep doing good when so much evil abounds.

God, I trust you have me in this wilderness for a reason, but I hate it here.

God, can you bring my people in this wilderness too? It is lonely.

God, am I a heretic? Do you want me to be a heretic? Use your rod and hem me in if I am going astray.

God, these kids you have given me. They are incredible. And annoying. Give me patience.

God, thank you for calling Jesus beloved before any of His public ministry. Is the same true for me?

God, I have these dreams- I believe they are yours- that I am a conduit for your ministry and heart for the wounded on Earth. Help me focus. Center and ground me so that I can overflow your goodness.

God, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Teach me the difference.

God, it is all broken… May I sit on this screened in porch and deeply feel, intimately know your mercy and grace.

God, I miss leading retreats… can we make that part of the plan and workload again sometime soon? Oh, and please make it easy.

God, thank you for the contrast of the burgeoning pink blooms against the cloudy grey sky. I can see you doing something new... that there is a way in the wilderness, a stream in the wasteland. 

God, thank you for beauty. I see you everywhere. 

An invitation:

What is faith to you?

Write out and pray some of your own simple, honest prayers. Or borrow mine (or someone else’s) and make them your own if your own words aren’t happening right now.

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Healing the Roots, Letting the Soul Bloom is a reader-supported publication created by Kristina Tucker—a trauma and maternal mental health therapist, and a mom living the journey right alongside you. Blending personal experience with professional insight, Kristina offers soul-nourishing tools to help you care for yourself deeply, so you can show up fully for those you love.

Each newsletter delivers a thoughtful practice or invitation to reconnect—with yourself, with God, and with the people who matter most.

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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Simple."