The Unparalleled Woman

a recipe

Photo by Nadya Spetnitskaya on Unsplash

Ingredients:

A starter: usually one that has doubled or even tripled in volume over the last 4 hours. How do you know the starter is ready? Look for situations like the following:

• Woman working 50+ hours a week climbing the corporate ladder. She is paid less than men in parallel positions. She was just overlooked for recent promised-to-her promotion. Her blood is boiling over the injustices while her body is limp with exhaustion.

• Mom when toddler all of the sudden hates chicken nuggets after eating nothing but chicken nuggets for the last 3 days. She just prepared dinner cooking and slicing the chicken nuggets in the previously preferred manner, halved the grapes, spooned a serving of peas, and added a dollop of honey mustard only for the toddler to shove the entire plate off the table sending food and sauce flying, peas rolling and sauce splattering. On the interior, she remembers a reel with a gentle parenting technique while her exterior form is more akin to a volcano erupting.

• Wife who is experiencing disconnection and separation due to stressors on the marital system pulling husband and wife in opposite directions. For most of the days, she misses her husband and the ease and friendship they once shared. Once they are in the same environment, she finds herself annoyed by every little thing he does, the opinions he holds somehow now so different than her own, and the nonchalance and indifferent attitude he holds. Oh and she wishes he were able to load a dishwasher the correct way or ever clean a toilet. They lay down in bed together and she feels the push and pull in her body- clinging to a connection and intimacy they once shared, rolling away facing the wall in self-preservation.

Tasks: preferably of the copious variety, in differing places at differing times, using different skillsets (think combining emotional, physical, and spiritual elements all together for improved shaping)

Underlying narratives: oldest daughter, high achievers, anxious perfectionists, procrastinators, and people pleaser narratives and personalities preferable

A Transition/Stressor: having a child, over-accumulation of responsibilities, moving, new marriage, infertility, loss of a loved one **

**in some cases, multiple transitions/stressors facilitate the rise needed for recipe. Adjust accordingly

Instructions:

1. Mix the Dough: Combine the starter, tasks, underlying narratives, and the transition/stressor(s) until a sticky mass forms.

2. Bulk Fermentation: A fancy name for the first rise. During the first two hours of the bulk fermentation, you’ll perform a series of stretches and folds, which will give the woman strength and elasticity.

   It is normal in this phase of the making for the stressors, responsibilities, tasks, and narratives to stretch, twist, and remake themselves. The woman will likely engage and disengage as well as deconstruct and reconstruct as she ferments. It is normal also for her to make her way through cycles of burnout and as she learns to complete the stress response cycle.

3. Shape and Rest the woman. This step ends the bulk fermentation and her first rise. The woman will begin to take shape. She will have increasing moments of gentleness, self-compassion, and kindness. She will ask for help when she needs it. She will outsource work when she wants and is able. She will likely immerse herself in hobbies and pastimes that connect her to her truest self and the lineage of women before her. Past narratives still exist, but they are no longer playing loudly on a loop within her head.

4. Proofing. Proofing is the longest part of the making process. A long, cold proof will yield an open, airy, and delicious crumb. This step may take years, and it is hard to know when it is actually complete. As she proofs, her structure will soften. Levity and space will be found throughout. This is good and needed; the time in this cold wilderness will prove its value.

5. Scoring + Baking

   After the woman has proofed, she’ll be turned out into a new stressor. Laid flat in her bed now likely somewhere between 45-55 years-old, hormones and menopause will score her as she enters the preheated baking vessel of hot flashes, insomnia, weight fluctuations, digestive changes, and relationship shifts. Although it seems like too much, she will need to be covered her while baking. The enclosed environment will allow for optimal rise and a thorough bake. Uncover for the last portion of the bake as this will allow for her to be golden and crisp.

6. Cool and Savor:

   Behold your marvelously created woman, a thing of beauty. Her crust is deeply golden-brown with a rustic, slightly crackling texture, evidence of the days spent in the sunshine running after her kids or those moments of silence when she stepped into the sun to remember that there was warmth and ease to be found. When you look closely, the surface is slightly matte but rough, with a few deep irregular slashes- each one showing where she has expanded and risen throughout rising and baking.

   Her aroma is mouthwatering- earthy, with a tangy, sweet scent. Those years of proofing created an open and airy quality. Instead of being firm, tough, and rigid, the uneven holes vary in size and shape giving her the structure of rustic perfection. Her insides are soft yet sharp, a perfect harmony of ease and ferocity balanced with loving-compassion.

   She makes every meal complete. Her insides allow others’ stories to soak in, and she can hold it all in her spacious form. She has a marvelous balance of crunchy crust and soft, tender interior, making her unparalleled and utterly satisfying.

Final Notes:

Anyone who has made sourdough knows that you can not undertake this type of bread-making without copious amounts of time and love. Truly, good sourdough is not something that can happen out of detachment and disinterest. So it is with us. The Great Creator deeply loves and knows. I’m holding firm through the proofing and rising. There is purpose.

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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Love."