Sunshine and Sea to Sibling Squabbles

Planning for re-entry, making a list, and behavioral activation

This newsletter is created as a resource to help you care for yourself so you can better care for those around you. Each Monday, you'll find a soul-nourishing practice to help you connect with yourself, God, and your loved ones.

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We got back in town Saturday night from our vacation. By Sunday afternoon, my husband and I looked at each other and named the feeling of whiplash. Vacation was perfect: enjoying 80 degree days, sunshine, being by the water, watching herons, reading books, playing games, and eating seafood. The kids played so well together all week by making up games in the pool, jumping the waves at the ocean, and watching movies and sports together in the evenings.

Less than 24 hours of being home and my boys struggled to navigate friendship dynamics in the neighborhood which led to fights between the two of them, unkind words, and hurt feelings; gone was the sibling camaraderie that was present on vacation. Zack and I both pulled back into weekly demands and entertaining without a pool. I taught a yoga class, grocery shopped and meal prepped, unpacked some, caught up on laundry, and prepared for the week ahead… ugh- whiplash.

Whiplash:

1. an abrupt snapping motion or change of direction resembling the lash of a whip

2. to affect adversely, as by a sudden change¹

Yep.

So, we will call these the “whiplash woes” and figure out moving forward from here. Often when I feel woeful or lacking motivation, I make a list of 10 actions that I can do that would help my mood either immediately or in the long-run. I may or may not do all of these 10 things, but they are 10 options that could help my mood and mind feel a bit better.

10 Ways to Help Myself Through Woes and Whiplash

1. Grocery shopping and meal prepping so we have food to eat this week

2. Drink an iced coffee

3. Move my body

4. Prep a loaf of sourdough/grounding through baking

5. Diffuse essential oils and taking a deep breath when I smell them

6. Unpack my suitcase to have a fresh start

7. Start/work on a project just for me (crochet a bit)

8. Drink water

9. Rest and watch a show

10. Listen to an audiobook or put on some music

Once I have the list made, I try to pick ones that take the least energy and have the highest payoff… what is the easiest to do and would help me feel better most quickly? That’s where I start.

The fancy counseling term for this is “behavioral activation.” The goal in behavioral activation is to interrupt a negative cycle of feeling crappy and therefore not doing the things that could help feel better because we are lacking motivation and gumption to do the good things.

An image of the negative loop we want to interrupt

With behavioral activation, we interrupt the negative loop by choosing an activity that takes a little energy and has a positive payoff. Chances are that showing yourself care and tenderness through one of the tasks on the list creates some positive feelings and then you are able to continue to make positive choices. Sure, behavioral activation helps with the “whiplash woes,” but it is also a helpful strategy for any day you’re feeling low, unmotivated, hopeless, and/or depressed².

I have had so many vacations where I come home, and I end up in a meltdown because I am overwhelmed in every way. I now I have a general re-entry plan that I follow to help adjust more smoothly. The first night home is always takeout or frozen pizza for dinner (this Costco/Kirkland cauliflower crust is my current go-to.) We try and have a day on the back of vacation before returning to work/school to allow for a smoother transition and margin. I don’t strictly hold screen time rules or our normal routine on the margin day- we all just do what we need. I plan a yoga class, a walk, or some sort of exercise to shake out the day of car riding from the previous day. I check in with my people/family- is there something they need? A break, time to work on a project, a certain food for the week- helping set them up for success allows us all to be set up for success.

Even with these changes over time and planning for a smoother re-entry, the whiplash woes still happen. So, I make the list, and then I do the next right thing.

Vacation was wonderful, filled with lots of beauty hunting, rest, delicious food, reading, and fun. I am so glad for the break, and I feel renewed for the week ahead- especially thanks to a gentle Sunday with yoga, meal prepping, planning for the week ahead, listening to an audiobook, and drinking an iced coffee- thank you, behavioral activation and my list. I hope you have taken a break in one way or another, and that these tools for re-entry and lifting a low mood can meet you wherever you find yourself today.

1. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/whiplash

2. In cases of major depressive disorder and depressive episodes, more than behavioral activation is needed to break out of the negative loop. This is still an effective behavior-based/top-down approach, but please remember that other tools are needed and seeking help from medical professionals and a mental health therapist are likely needed steps too.